We arrived at the hospital on Sunday at 1.30 for our half hour - it was 2 before they let folks in - we walked into D's wee room the Doctor and the head nurse were both in the room - my eyes flew to the monitor - his BP had rocketed again - their faces gave it away - he had taken a turn for the worse and I was told the medicine would only prolong his life for a few extra hours and that to remove it all would be better - what could I do or say but yes remove and we stayed with him - he didn't suffer - he finally moved on at 10.45 on Monday morning - he waited until the Libra new moon had kicked in - I always told him he was going to be a Libra in his next life - sometimes I hate being right!!!!!
I got in touch with the family on the Sunday afternoon and they all scrambled to get flights asap, so by Monday evening Paul, D's son and his lady Lorien, Sam, D's daughter, Jamie and Alexa had arrived - in Spain everything happens very quickly and Monday afternoon was sorting out the funeral, we had always agreed to cremation until this year walking up to the piscina we would cut through the cemetario and Del said how much he liked it there - so he was interred on Tuesday at about 4.30 - there was an incredible turn out for him - his gentleness and generosity were his gifts. The Spanish were a little confused at there being no mass nor crosses, but we all gathered in the Tanatorio - we played the Great Invocation and those who felt able to say their bit did - after nearly a fortnight of grey skies the sun was shining brightly the birds were singing and the clouds were signs in the sky. Pedro and Loli [Bar Parada] who had come to see us at the tanatorio on the Monday evening insisted we all went to the bar afterwards for food. Jamie, Alexa, Paul Lorien and Sam all flew back in the early hours and now there is just Eli and Lau with me, I think they will be going on Friday - my next hurdle being on my own - people keep saying how amazing and strong I am - hah - my strength comes from being grateful for knowing this being and having the 19 years together, for his influence especially as the father figure to my 2 children - also I know he wouldn't want me to mourn nor grieve - he didn't suffer and he knew to head for the Light - a friend of ours in Scotland had their own ritual and saw him with the light going in and coming out of him, I saw him in the clouds - he sent a butterfly - I still can't quite get my head around the fact I will never see him again, we can never have our weird and wonderful conversations, no more shared special moments - it was a shock I really didn't think he wouldn't make it through - my corazon really hurts, I get waves of absolute fear, all the practicalities and legalities how to find the pennies to pay for all this - my head spins around looking for options - my composure will need to give way at some point - John[Springate] and Jason came up - John is having his 60th next year - same birthday as Del - and his brother Bill and the drummer Paul from Elegy will be here and there was to be a reunion - a blast from the past - but the bass player decided not to hang around for it :(
The words to build me up buttercup keep spinning round in my head...........
Brightest Blessings to everyone and remember enjoy each moment with those who are special in your life xx
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