I want off this roller coaster..........

and that is exactly what it feels like to me - I have never liked fairground rides that are adrenelin rushes and that has what the past 10 - yep 10 days now - have been like, and still it is playing out - yesterday lunch time he was sleeping so soundly that there wasn't a twitch or squeeze from him, Laura found this difficult after the contact of the previous day - the ultimate learning in patience and no expectation - still seeping soundly last night but a wee sqeeze of the hand, what sets me off is seeing how the BP raises when he is aware of us, how can we keep him calm and unworried about us - he had no sedatiuon yesterday so his sleep was "natural" I think LA is gonna head back on Tuesday and get job etc sorted out although she is torn because she doesn't want to go until he is awake and coping - mmmmmmm, guess I am wondering how this next phase will be - I know I have to cope "on my own" - best not to dwell and just deal with it when it happens, the panic attacks have faded away and I only really get palpitations if I have one too many coffees in the morning so that is of my own making.......the heavens have opened and we are being washed clean and the rivers are running full and fast, Bella Eli has been in touch and has reminded me that Monday is the new moon and this one is about much healing and of course being under the influence of Libra balance and harmony must play their part......I know I have been taken to the point where I have to accept letting go completely and totally, well maybe I am still dealing with that one, walking a tightrope, I don't want to let go of my best friend and yet I must be prepared to honour his soul's desire/wish - can't look back can't look forward have to be in the moment and keep it a good moment........much love and blessings to all the beautiful people who read this and add their sparkle to the healing of Del..........besitos :)