That time of year again......

Well another year has rolled round and what a year it has been in many ways, but my thoughts cannot help but be with the memories of 2 years ago and it is funny how guilt and grief love to pal up :) It doesn´t matter how much people tell you not to feel guilt it still rears it´s little head and grief is a lingering process, catches you out when least expected at times.........but as I trawl through the memories I also recognise that I have much to look forward to.........a new life with Nic.......Leah..........more contact and connection with Lau & J..........returning to Scotland......yep the decision has been made, so much came to light when I was back in Scotland a few weeks ago and I realised I was holding on to Del´s dream and it wasn´t mine, my heart has always been in Scotland and I do change when I am there, on a practical level there are far more opportunities for both Nic and I there, if I can rent this place out all well and good if not then it has to be closed up until the paperwork is up to date and it can go back on the market. So the past couple of weeks has been a bit frantic finding the best and most economical way of getting us including Squidge and a few boxes of belongings, back there, it waas beginning to look almost impossible until by chance Nic came accross a one way hire firm based in the midlands, most others are all based in London or further south!! Anyway bit by bit things seem to be coming together - we need to make the move before Squidge needs her innoculations in November(then it would put us back 6 months)so it is all go, maybe a good thing keeps me occupied but it does feel a little strange to be making this move now when so much other stff is going on in me hey ho all will be revealed..........

We had a fabulous time in Scotland, for Nic the countryside is very Basque so felt homely LOL - of course everyone fell in love with him and him with them :) It was as if he had always known them, much fun was had between J & N - 2 wind up merchants mmmmmmm
As we arrived on the last w/e of the Ed festival so we spent Sat afternoon with Lau meandering the streets watching the various acts, sun was shining and the breeze wasn´t so chilly, Lau took us to Eteaket a scrumtious tea room, we watched a preview of a South African song/dance troupe and decided to go see their performance on Sunday, Zambesie Express, they were fantastic so much energy and such smiling faces, we got a pub lunch and then Nic n I became real touristy and went to the castle - Sunday was heap load windier and I had to stop and buy hat and mitts on the way in in the morning, Lau was feeling pretty knackered, so she went home to chill a while although she promised Sunday roast for dinner and which was waiting for us when we got back after walking rather than bussing - quite proud of the fact we didn´t get lost once hahahahaha  

 

Then it was down to Moniaive on Monday morning, it is a lovely bus ride wandering through the countryside of lowland Scotland - Sarah´s smiling face was awaiting us in Thornhill - had something to eat in beer garden of hotel - mmmmmm so warm, then into the co-op for some coffee well some things are a must, back to Moniaive and a quick visit to Rose to borrow a cafeteria, so Nic getting a whilrwind view of Moniaive before finally coming to rest at Sa´s nest and await Robin and Rowan´s arrival after school, Colin came round :) and left us in a suitably chilled state hehehehe and we basked or basqued if you prefer in the sun, Nic was introduced to Iron Brew and Tunnocks tea cakes and Sa discovered Tunnocks Caramels hahahaha next day Sa was off to work so went with her and then the car was ours for the day woo hoo took Nic on a walk through Dfrs before heading out to Jamie and Alexa, which involved a misunderstanding of high roads and low roads that all lead to the same place - well we got there and had a wonderful afternoon didn´t want to leave really but needed to get back for Sarah - fish n chips by the River and a visit to the Livver - Ha it hasn´t changed in over 20 years........Wednesday was our Moniaive day catching up with folks and ending the day with a lovely meal at Su´s, Thursday Lau joined us and we all went out for another visit to J L n Leah - been a long time since I have had both my babies together and now there is another generation, Friday we trundled back to Ed happy and sad and Nic asked me what I really wanted to do and I finally let go and said - so much chat ensued - time out on Sat as Stu and Lau took us over to Glasgow and up Loch Lomond into the Highlands, it was a wonderful tour and luckily for me Nic feels the same as I do in such surroundings, there is some kind of connection that energises rather than drains.......and in the simpliest of ways that is how it feels to me here I feel more drained than energised and yet in many ways I have less to do, but I am not someone who is really happy having nothing(meaningful) to do - there is a sense of isolation living here............

 

The weather has become wet and grey, I remember it was much the same 2 years ago, driving up and down with Zoe twice a day in the rain - funny coz I can´t remember last year, did someone come over and stay? Apparently not as I glance back in the archives, I was preparing for a visit to Scotland, yep it rained as well, in fact there had been storms, and I had forgotten the  big changes as Leigh and Keith left the village (which was quite a wrench at the time as I had become reliant on them in so many ways, no wonder that change had to happen hahahaha) and news of Ruth´s arrival after I returned from Scotland so much was going on.......makes me wonder where and what the hell life holds in the next 12 months........well life aint boring that´s for sure.......

Blessings Be and Harminy be with you on this equinox - Power with the full Moon - we live in interesting times - hahaha don´t we just.........